Identify your dominant conflict pattern based on Gottman's research. Is it Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, or Stonewalling? 12 questions reveal your communication style under stress.
Dr. John Gottman studied thousands of couples over four decades at the University of Washington's "Love Lab." He identified four communication patterns that predict relationship failure with over 90% accuracy. He called them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Attacking your partner's character rather than a specific behavior. "You always..." "You never..."
Antidote: Gentle Startup
Expressing superiority through mockery, sarcasm, eye-rolling, or disgust. The deadliest horseman.
Antidote: Culture of Appreciation
Deflecting blame with excuses or counter-accusations. "Yes, but that's because you..."
Antidote: Accept Responsibility
Withdrawing, shutting down, or going silent during conflict. Often caused by emotional flooding.
Antidote: Self-Soothing + Return
Most couples use at least one of the Horsemen occasionally. The issue isn't whether they appear but how frequently and whether repair attempts are accepted. Gottman found that "masters" of relationships still have conflict — they just handle it differently.
Yes — if both partners are willing to practice the antidotes. Gottman's research shows that couples who learn to replace Horsemen with their antidotes significantly improve relationship satisfaction. The key is catching the pattern, not achieving perfection.
This quiz is for self-reflection purposes only. It is not a clinical diagnosis or substitute for professional help.
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