Is what you feel love, infatuation, limerence, or attachment anxiety? Answer 10 questions to uncover the pattern behind your feelings.
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Limerence is a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe an involuntary state of intense romantic obsession. Unlike love, which is grounded and sees the other person clearly, limerence is characterized by intrusive thoughts, emotional highs and lows tied to reciprocation, and a process called "crystallization" where flaws are reframed as endearing qualities.
Limerence affects the same brain circuits as addiction — dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin create a neurochemical cocktail that makes the experience feel transcendent. This is why limerence can feel like the most intense love of your life while actually being a pattern that has more to do with your own attachment history than the person you're fixated on.
Obsessive, involuntary, built on idealization. Your mood depends entirely on their response. Feels consuming.
Exciting, voluntary, novelty-driven. You think about them a lot but still function. Feels thrilling.
Grounded, mutual, clear-eyed. You see their flaws and choose them anyway. Feels like home.
Yes. Limerence can occur within established relationships, especially if there's uncertainty about the other person's feelings. It's most common in the early stages or during periods of instability, but it can persist for years if the relationship dynamics keep feeding it.
Limerence is not a clinical diagnosis in the DSM-5, but it shares features with OCD and addiction. If limerence is significantly disrupting your daily life, therapy — particularly CBT or attachment-focused therapy — can help you understand and manage the pattern.
People with anxious or fearful-avoidant attachment styles are more prone to limerence because their attachment systems are more easily activated by uncertainty. The hypervigilance and fear of abandonment that characterize these styles create the perfect conditions for limerence to develop.
This quiz is for self-reflection purposes only. It is not a clinical diagnosis or substitute for professional help.
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